Tonight I am struck, once again, at how futile my current life of entertainment is. The time I could spend in prayer or knowing God's word, I fritter away for self-indulgence. If I were to die tonight, do I think I would be proud to tell God that instead of interceding for the weak or listening to him to find his will for the coming day I was playing "Gluey" on the computer? The pull of the little blobs morphing into same color shapes and racking up points for me was just too strong to be bothered with my master's business.
While I was pondering this point, I thought about the Spirit's prodding in my mind the last few days to spend my time more wisely, by listening and praying and studying. Although not obedient to heed to his voice, I realized tonight that with the exception of possibly the first six months of my new life in Christ, I have never read the Bible with the urgency of a dying man with only one hope left: understanding the revelation of God through his word. Instead, I come at the text like a movie reviewer: I will read it, see if I like it, note the good, the bad, and the boring, and utilize it as I would a memorized movie. Perhaps a quote will seem appropriate and I can pull it out and use it one day. Or the storyline was good, so I'll think on it and rehearse it in my mind's eye. All for my entertainment.
I don't want to be entertained by Christ, and I am finally willing and ready (I think) to accept the huge responsibility that comes from being his disciple; "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me." Have those words ever been full of life and hope to me? Does it make a difference that Jesus is the one who has the words of life? All other hopes and laurels that I've rested on are false and figments. I think until now I have had a hearing problem, not that I couldn't hear; that I wasn't careful how I heard.
Sometimes the same information can be received entirely differently by how a person hears. If I ask where an exit is in a building I visit that is unknown to me, I may listen somewhat but know that if I fail to listen correctly the first time I can ask someone else where the exit is, or I can meander around until I find one. If the building were on fire and my life depended on the location of the exit, you can bet my hearing will be a little more tuned in and attentive to the details. That is what I want for my walk with Christ. I want my hearing to be for action and not suggestion.